shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
