And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
