End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
