did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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