What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize