Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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