idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She's the barista slut.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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