that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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