Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
