i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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