Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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