Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
