Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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