There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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