Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
