so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
