Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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