so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
