therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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