Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
