Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
