Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
