I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
