and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
