ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
