I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
