seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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