I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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