??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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