did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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