Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
PANTIES FOUND
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