he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Text me some of your sweat
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
