We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
