So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
