farters have to be the big spoon...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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