i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
