Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
