yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
