I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
