i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you never un-have a 4some
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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