Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
