I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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