All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
