if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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