Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
