Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize