I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
