im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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