I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She's the barista slut.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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