This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
