before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Who died my cat blue again?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
