I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
