Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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