I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize