ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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