i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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