Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
