So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
