I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
