I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
