VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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