I smell stomach acid.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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