There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
