Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
